my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
