I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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