i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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