During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
