the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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