Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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