Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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