Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
