I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's get the cat blown out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
