God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
