we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
