Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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