what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
