I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
