I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
