I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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