I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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