Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
