Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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