My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who died my cat blue again?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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