I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
