: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
