I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
