somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
