is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
