then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
PANTIES FOUND
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