I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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