apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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