you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos