I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up