I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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