if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my liver is dry heaving
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
