Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

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  (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you. http://tfl.nu/6xm5
  Replies (54) Good night (7045) Bad night (747)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

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  (512): we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text http://tfl.nu/5zju
  Replies (7) Good night (3520) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.

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  (248): he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/hv59
  Replies (5) Good night (867) Bad night (3394)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing

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  (817): yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing http://tfl.nu/i2gp
  Replies (18) Good night (1369) Bad night (6861)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (30) Good night (8146) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.

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  (706): She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night. http://tfl.nu/uc8q
  Replies (5) Good night (7121) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
  Replies (18) Good night (5469) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.

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  (360): It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha. http://tfl.nu/9aca
  Replies (4) Good night (1415) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!

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  (702): i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield! http://tfl.nu/o1fu
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm pregnant.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

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  (407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7
  Replies (17) Good night (1740) Bad night (2404)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.

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  (334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system. http://tfl.nu/d0ap
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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  (608): I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now http://tfl.nu/jhxl
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"

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  (404): No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party" http://tfl.nu/5res
  Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica

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  (928): So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica http://tfl.nu/ah6v
  Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Cat or human?

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Human

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  (563): I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one. (262): Cat or human? (563): Human http://tfl.nu/rvyr
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (211)

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