I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
