that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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