I think I won the penis lottery.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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