also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i have two assholes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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