I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
