Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
