I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
