the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize