He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
