Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
