She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think my tv is drunk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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