when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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