i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
