Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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