my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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