if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
