why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
