I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
