I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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