Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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