whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
