So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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