yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
