no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
