This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
