see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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