We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
