Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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