Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
