...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
