I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
