my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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