No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
