Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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