Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize