There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
