sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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