whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
