I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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