Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
