I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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